This just in:
After three or four centuries during which citizens of the United States partook in that great narrative of innovation known as human civilization, Americans have suddenly stopped innovating. Biologists and anthropologists, anachronistically noting that innovation is a defining human characteristic, have duly concluded that Americans have thus effectively ceased to be human.
What are the causes of this crisis, in which the United States' "position is slipping" relative to the rest of the world? Laziness? Ignorance? Short-sightedness? Dastardly foreigners stealing our humanity? Yes, yes, yes, and yes!